God of Paperwork
by tocasia
Summary: In Shinra's post-war world, General Sephiroth still has a lot to do. When Zack's pranks make his life more interesting, he decides to take revenge with schemes of his own. (AU, Sephiroth and Zack friendship, humor, cute) Complete.
1. Chapter 1

**God of Paperwork**

by the infamous and notorious tocasia

AU, Sephiroth and Zack friendship, office pranks, humor, cute. I have several chapters planned.

started 5/12/2017

* * *

 **Chapter 1**

The war is officially over. This deceptively calm office atmosphere is so different from the fires of Wutai. It is surreal.

General Sephiroth has found out that managing the army during peacetime is still a lot of work.

In addition to training SOLDIERS for combat readiness, Sephiroth attends meetings, dictates policy, and argues over budget proposals. When he's not on a mission of his own, he travels to Shinra military bases all over the Planet to inspect the troops and coordinate local displays of force. He requisitions gear, assigns missions, grants promotions, applies disciplinary action appropriately, and attends ceremonies to improve morale. He decides what's on this year's SOLDIER entrance exam. It is his duty to see to veteran affairs. He makes sure those who have served get the care they need, whether in the form of medical treatments or counseling or financial support.

That's a pretty impressive job description.

President Shinra wants him to keep the peace and maintain the people's faith in the Company. Don't let them forget Shinra's power, but foster goodwill rather than fear. Build our reputation as guardians of their safety. Keep them in line so the profits keep flowing.

With that goal in mind, he designs missions to exterminate monsters, provide humanitarian aid after natural disasters, and protect various experts as they build or repair infrastructure and perform basic research. Although of a much smaller scale than the vast battlefields Sephiroth had grown used to, these tasks still require his careful attention and management. He and Tseng work together to draft policies of interdepartmental cooperation, since security is now mostly taken care of by the Turks. SOLDIERS stand by as riot control when necessary.

He doesn't delegate as much as he could. He likes to know everything that goes on in his army.

The Great General Sephiroth has become a God of Paperwork.

* * *

Sephiroth has to check his office carefully in the morning when he arrives. The reason for his caution has a name: Zack Fair. As his second-in-command, Zack has most of the same clearances as he does. Keeping Zack out of his office is usually more trouble than it's worth.

For the past three months, Zack has taken it upon himself to make Sephiroth's life in the workplace more... interesting. It is in stark contrast to his professional attitude during the war. So far, Zack hasn't caused any scandals requiring Shinra's elite team of lawyers, nor has he overstepped his bounds enough to warrant punishment.

The constant pranks are frustrating because Sephiroth must not retaliate publicly. He is the perfect SOLDIER, setting the example of proper conduct for the entire army. It would not do for him to shatter that image of immaculate discipline and order.

Oh, but there are days when he dearly wants to!

Instead, he accepts the challenge to be discreet in his revenge.

His initial inspection reveals tape under the mouse again. The yellow post-it notes are missing. One of the chairs in the waiting room has been replaced with one from a different office that doesn't match. Pretty tame stuff. Sephiroth wonders if Zack is finally running out of ideas.

There's a board meeting in twenty minutes. He gathers his notes and sighs.

* * *

The meeting is nothing special.

Palmer spills his disgusting, lard-laden tea all over the table when he stands up to beg for funding.

Mayor Domino is largely ignored as he fumes quietly about not seeking re-election as a glorified librarian.

Scarlet has a new weapon design that she wants Sephiroth to test with (or was it on?) the trainees. He takes her suggestion under advisement, which is a more polite way of saying no.

Heidegger strongly believes that troops should not be withdrawn from Wutai. Sephiroth disagrees because he knows Wutai is thoroughly beaten (he did it himself) and needs a rebuilt economy rather than an occupation.

Hojo is absent, which is sort of a relief.

Reeve remains an idealist, proposing several plans to improve quality of life beneath the plate.

Tseng has nothing new to report.

President Shinra announces that he is pleased with the current state of affairs and tells them to carry on with business as usual. Meeting adjourned.

* * *

Later that morning, Zack gets a notice that the officer in charge, one Sergeant Alissa Roberts, has called in sick at the last minute and so is unavailable to supervise this extremely important training exercise. Zack has orders to take her place for the day. It is non-negotiable.

These things happen. It's not all that unusual for Zack to fill in when something comes up; as Sephiroth's second-in-command, he has the skills and experience to take care of most anything. Zack looks over the briefing. What's his random surprise mission today? Some basic regulation materia practice for an intermediate class against the common monsters southeast of Kalm. No problem! Way better than paperwork back at the office.

Zack arrives at the gates of Midgar; the transport ready to go. Sergeant Robert's squad is already waiting and they snap to attention as he approaches, although they seem apprehensive when they realize their regular instructor is nowhere to be seen.

"Sergeant Roberts is out sick today. Don't worry, it's nothing serious, she'll be fine. I'll be in charge of your training until she returns tomorrow."

The class salutes him, perhaps a little intimidated by his rank, and then they board the vehicle and start on their way.

The ride is relatively smooth as Zack explains the mission. "You will be working with materia today. Sergeant Roberts reports that you have been making good progress and has entrusted each of you with Fire, Ice, or Lightning materia." Here he pauses to let them appreciate the praise. "We are headed for the fields southeast of Kalm. There, you will split into teams of three. You will hunt down monsters to use as target practice for your spells. Each group will be given a med kit that also includes hypers to counteract the monsters' status attacks. Remember, use of hypers for non-curative reasons will result in disciplinary action. You are to report back to the transport with your team in good condition at 1800 hours. Understood?"

"Yes, sir!"

It doesn't take long to reach the destination. Zack reviews briefly how to use the materia, splits the squad up into groups, hands out the med kits, and sends the groups out into the field in different directions to hunt down and practice casting at the monsters.

Zack finds himself directly supervising Privates Alvarez and Elliot. He follows behind as they track their targets. So far they're quite competent. The first fight goes smoothly, and they confidently venture further from the transport. Unfortunately, after that, they start experiencing technical difficulties of the chocobo variety. Suddenly there is not a single encounter devoid of a frantic, wild, yellow bird.

It all happens so fast. Private Elliot's badly aimed Fire spell singes yellow feathers. The chocobo knocks Alvarez to the ground with a vicious kick. Zack tosses him a phoenix down. One of the monsters attacks, spraying Elliot with slimy blue goo. Yuck. Alvarez is back up and casts a Bolt that connects with a deafening crack. There is a terrifying series of warks as the chocobo flees. Elliot doesn't miss his next shot, and the last of the monsters crumples to the ground, dead. The fight is won, but the two Privates are too startled to strike their victory poses.

After that, neither of them needs to be told not to antagonize chocobos. Zack checks their injuries and they move on.

That's how the mission goes for Zack's team. Chocobos. Everywhere.

Alvarez and Elliot continue to improve their aim over the course of each battle, and also their ability to avoid chocobo-induced trauma. Eventually, they are able to cast their spells with such precision that they defeat the monsters while leaving the chocobo alone. Zack shows them how to catch the bird and they ride it triumphantly back to the transport.

Everyone reports back, relatively unhurt, all on time. The rest of the squad is clearly impressed at the sight of their comrades riding a chocobo. After they let the bird go free, Zack listens as the class shares stories of bravery and valor on the ride back to Midgar. Apparently, the other groups did not run into any chocobos at all. Elliot and Alvarez are talking excitedly about their adventure. They're doing a good job explaining what they've learned to their teammates. Overall, it's been a good day. Sergeant Roberts would be proud.

As they clean their gear and make sure everything is in order, Zack finally discovers the cause of his very hectic afternoon. Instead of the Preemptive materia he usually carries, there is a Chocobo Lure slotted into his bangle. What?

* * *

They arrive at the gates at sunset. Zack dismisses the squad and, exhausted and covered with feathers, heads up to his office to file the mission report before hopefully returning to his quarters and take a much anticipated shower.

Zack sits down at his desk and locates the form he needs. The yellow post-it notes he'd nabbed from Sephiroth's desk this morning are missing. No big deal. The General must have taken them back to his office.

Correction. He must have stuck them all over the floor under Zack's desk in a very well-executed chocobo pattern. One of the notes has something written on it:

 _'All's Fair in Love and Wark'_

Dammit.

It takes all the responsibility he has left for the day, but Zack files the report properly.

* * *

Zack's office is adjacent to his own and sound carries through the wall, at least to SOLDIER senses. Sephiroth smiles as he hears Zack groan at the terrible pun. Victory. He wonders if Sergeant Roberts enjoyed her scheduled day off. He hopes so. She'll probably enjoy reading that mission report, too. He knows he will.


	2. Chapter 2

**God of Paperwork**

by the infamous and notorious tocasia

* * *

 **Chapter 2**

Working for Shinra has all kinds of benefits. Employees enjoy a professional but relaxed corporate environment complete with the finest amenities. Moving up in the Company has its advantages: complimentary gym membership, five-star dining, free wi-fi, lovely secretaries, expensive office furniture, possibly even company cars, although at that point most executives have a private apartment in the building and so don't need to commute. On the outside, these things make Shinra appear generous. On the inside, by offering such comforts instead of paying the employees more, they save a lot of money.

* * *

Zack meets his friend Reno for lunch in the fancy upper level cafeteria, as he often does.

Reno is still finishing his drink, so Zack asks, "After we're off duty tonight, me and the guys are gonna go check out a new restaurant that has the best spicy plum sushi, you wanna come with?"

"Nah, I lost a bet with Rufus so now I've got a 'special mission' tonight." He makes the air quotes.

Zack stares in disbelief for a moment, trying to keep his mind out of the gutter. "You bet against _Rufus_? Sorry, man, but that's either brave or stupid, probably both."

"I like to live dangerously," Reno replies, like it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"Do I even want to know the circumstances of the bet?"

"I'd rather not say."

"I can respect that. Good luck on your mission."

"Thanks. It should be a piece of cake though."

They stand up from the table, clear away the trash, and go their separate ways back to work.

Zack looks forward to hearing the details of Reno's latest prank.

* * *

Rufus's request is simple, if incredibly petty.

Rufus hates Heidegger's laugh. He's been laughing too much lately. Fortunately, his weakness was easy to discover: Heidegger likes his morning coffee very sweet.

Reno's mission is to remove all the sugar from Heidegger's apartment before tomorrow's first meeting.

* * *

Night vision goggles, yo! Reno is a professional, but he does enjoy his job. He scales the wall of the Shinra building with practiced ease. The climb is refreshing. It's a nice night, a slight breeze keeps some of the smog away. He pauses a moment to savor the cleaner air up here and the colorful view of the city lights below him. Midgar never sleeps. He's far enough up that the normally raucous city sounds fade into pleasant white noise. No train whistles interrupt the silence; the last train of the night completed its route hours ago.

Making good time, Reno reaches the target location that Rufus pointed out to him: Heidegger's apartment.

There's a small balcony. Trust the higher ups to favor luxury over security. Stupid. He doesn't trip over the too-hopeful flower pots of fake geraniums.

The balcony door isn't even locked. Cocky bastard! It slides open smoothly.

Reno enters slowly, carefully. He remains still for a time, listening. It's cold in the apartment; the air conditioning must be on high. It's quiet, doors are closed, everything is dark, no sign of anyone awake. Perfect. He really loves these stealth missions.

The apartment's floor plan is a standard one and the kitchen is easy to find. It's well organized, not something he would expect from Heidegger. The man probably has a maid service.

Now _that_ is a fancy coffee machine.

Reno finds the mission objectives: the sugar bowl on the counter and, after a quick but silent search, a whole, unopened bag in the cupboard. He hasn't made a sound.

"Did you find what you were looking for?"

That was not Heidegger's voice. Reno froze. Not literally, although it's definitely colder in here than it had been a moment before.

"Put the sugar down."

No argument there.

"Explain."

He does.

He holds his breath, waiting for a response. The oppressive chill dissipates somewhat. General Sephiroth sounds amused.

"A good effort. However, Heidegger doesn't have an apartment in the Shinra building. As to where he usually stays, well... I never bothered to find out."

Rufus... dammit. How could he do that to him? Reno can't quite keep the scowl off his face. Fortunately, miraculously even, the General looks sympathetic rather than angry.

"I'll talk to Tseng. Enjoy your vacation."

Vacation? Reno doesn't ask. His voice remains steady as he apologizes and solemnly swears not to tell a soul.

"That's alright, I know you won't. Now, go."

* * *

Luxury over security, indeed. Sephiroth is perfectly capable of defending himself. He sometimes leaves the door unlocked on purpose. And, like tonight, it is occasionally entertaining.

Sephiroth watches from his balcony as Reno descends safely. The soft glow of the Manipulate materia he holds casually in his right hand begins to fade. Reno won't remember this.

The meetings over the next few days promise to be interesting. Rufus will be expecting a reaction to the break-in, but Sephiroth won't give him the satisfaction, and so he'll become confused, then frustrated when he can't locate Reno for questioning, and if he somehow manages to, well, Reno can't talk. The look on Rufus's face when he realizes his defeat will be priceless.

And in the meantime, Rufus will just have to put up with Heidegger's laugh like the rest of them. For now.

* * *

The next day during his break, Reno is hanging out in the Turks' lounge watching tv. Well, more like watching commercials, since nothing good is on. Currently, there's an overly cheerful ad for a cleaning product. Just 99 gil plus shipping and handling! Act now and we'll double your order!

One of his coworkers yells at him over his shoulder, "Yo Reno, turn that garbage off."

A quick click of the remote silences the annoying jingle. In the blessed stillness, Rude sits down next to him on the couch.

"Tseng wants you in his office at 1300 hours."

A chorus of voices from the other side of the room. "Oooh, looks like someone's in trouble again."

Reno glances down at his watch. He has five minutes. He launches himself off the couch and hurries out of the lounge, slamming the door on the snickers behind him.

* * *

Reno makes it to Tseng's office on time. He even has a moment to catch his breath and adjust his tie so that no one could possibly think he was in a rush. Of course, Tseng calls him in before he's ready.

"Reno. This is the fourth report I've had this month that you've 'borrowed' the latest night vision goggles prototype. You're no rookie. You know you aren't supposed to use classified technology for personal projects."

The fourth time? Hmm. Reno looks up at the ceiling as he remembers his adventures with the goggles fondly. Let's see, there was the incident with Dark Nation in the pool on the roof that nobody talks about because they still don't know who rescued who; and that time that he snuck into Rude's place to decorate for his partner's surprise birthday party, he'd bought out all the balloons at a local gift store, and they had made a terrible mess with confetti, but Rude said he liked the cake; and then that dare with Elena to retrieve something from Hojo's desk at midnight, he'd brought back the tasteless calendar, the one with puppies dressed in labcoats... Nope. Only three times.

"Stop getting caught. Dismissed."

Reno steps out of Tseng's office with new orders. A whole month of paid leave on a luxury cruise to Costa del Sol, effective immediately, helicopter is waiting. Top secret. What the hell happened?

* * *

Sephiroth's inbox is full of junk mail. He suspects he has Zack to thank for that today. He goes through it anyway, just in case there's something important.

' _Attention! This is your last issue of_ Chocobos Monthly _! Please renew your subscription now at this special (normal) rate!_ '

' _Enter now and you could win a lifetime supply of valuable coupons for things you will never need!_ '

' _Your (brand name) (model number) (year) vehicle is due in for maintenance last week._ '

The paper shredder by his desk roars its battle cry of justice as it tears into its prey.

' _Please send your check or money order to..._ '

More food for the shredder. It works hard. It deserves a raise.

' _You are cordially invited to attend your ten-year highschool reunion at a fancy hotel where there will be light refreshments served..._ '

What? Why is that somehow tempting? Sephiroth shakes his head. The invitation becomes just another casualty of the shredder. He empties its contents into the trashcan so that his loyal minion is ready to receive its next sacrifice.

At least the remaining items are actually relevant to his work.

Zack stops by to drop off some additional documents, looking disappointed when he sees the empty inbox and the full trashcan. Suspicions confirmed.

"Hey, Seph, have you seen Reno around?" They had stopped arguing about proper forms of address long ago.

"Hmm... Reno...Your friend... the red-headed Turk?"

Zack nods.

"Can't say that I have."

Still looking at Zack, Sephiroth snaps his fingers over the trashcan. The mangled remains of the junk mail burst into flames. Zack's eyes widen and he steps away from Sephiroth's desk toward the door.

"Don't worry though, I'm sure he's fine."


	3. Chapter 3

**God of Paperwork**

by the infamous and notorious tocasia

* * *

 **Chapter 3**

Reno is having a fantastic vacation.

Being undercover but not on duty is a new experience. He doesn't have to shadow, intimidate, interrogate, kidnap, or kill anybody, although he's still ready if it comes to that. He can be as irresponsible as he pleases, with no one to tell him he'll catch holy hell.

On the luxury cruise liner, Reno has a nice, spacious cabin with a veranda. The sea air is sweet and he's never seen so many stars. There are exotic restaurants with excellent service and very fresh seafood. He tries everything at the bar. Somehow it's already been paid for. A dream come true.

The beach at Costa del Sol is calm during the day but the parties at night are wild. Reno learns how to surf. He looks good with a tan. The ladies like it. He's good at applying sunscreen to their backs, too.

He's wearing a comfortable shirt with a fern-and-flower print. The kids want him to kick a ball around with them. Why the hell not?

Reno buys kitschy tourist gifts for his coworkers and a bottle of the best drink he's sampled so far for Rude.

He's good at his job. He'll live long enough to retire, and then he'll buy that fancy beach house, or one like it.

How did he get into this again? He'd made a bet with Rufus, which was stupid, and he didn't remember the rest. He must have won. Nice.

* * *

Why does he allow this to continue? He decides it's simply a matter of friendship.

Sephiroth is not socially awkward; if he was, he never would have achieved the position he currently holds. People keep their distance from power and he likes his space.

Zack is different. Zack loves people and thrives in their company. Zack is everybody's friend, even Sephiroth's. Their leadership styles complement each other well. Sephiroth is grateful.

He doesn't make empty death threats to Zack, although when the pranks began, he considered it briefly. But never seriously. They fought together in the war and each saved the other's life many times. Zack knows Sephiroth won't kill him over some stupid prank. Sephiroth knows Zack will never go so far as to tempt him to.

Threats of injury were simply ignored. Sephiroth didn't follow through.

Early on, he told Zack to "never do that again." It only resulted in increased variety as Zack never repeated the same shenanigans twice.

Sephiroth has pulled rank a few times, mostly to get Zack to clean up the mess.

But does he want the pranks to stop? Not really. It's a game to them, something between friends that keeps them both slightly more sane in this crazy corporate world.

* * *

Sometimes Sephiroth makes the first move.

Zip ties are the bane of pretty much everyone, everywhere. Cutting them off requires finesse. Hmm. That would be tough with the Buster Sword. So Sephiroth ties them tightly all over Zack's desk.

Later, on the same day, Sephiroth's desk is also covered with zip ties. Either great minds think alike, or Zack was frustrated enough to give him a taste of his own medicine. He prefers the second one. Masamune neatly severs the offending fasteners, leaving just the smallest scratch under the middle drawer that no one will ever see. Sephiroth collects all the tiny strips of plastic and puts them in the recycling bin.

Sephiroth believes in recycling. He doesn't like to waste things. When something reaches the end of its useful life span, it's only right that it should be repurposed creatively.

* * *

Zack orders a new desk after his old one displays worrying signs of structural instability. He gathers the broken zip ties to save for later. He's sure he can think of a use for them, maybe as caltrops. It appears he's lost this round. Or has he? Zack turns the little dragon paperweight over in his hands, wondering when Sephiroth will notice that it's missing.

* * *

Sephiroth taps his fingers lightly on the table as President Shinra calls the afternoon meeting to order.

Rufus is clearly upset about something but trying not to show it. Ha!

Reeve remains an optimist. He has ideas for new university scholarships.

Scarlet is giving a well-rehearsed presentation on weaponized dolphin attack robots when Palmer interrupts her by sipping his drink loudly. She glares daggers at him.

Sephiroth's budget proposal for training materials for this year's new recruits is approved immediately.

Heidegger comes in late, sits down, and falls asleep. President Shinra doesn't say anything, so the rest of them pretend not to notice.

Hojo asks for SOLDIER help to research new materia applications, specifically, enemy skills. That seems reasonable, so Sephiroth agrees.

Tseng has nothing new to report.

President Shinra announces his plans to raise the rates on Mako energy by 3%. Reeve looks away.

Palmer begs for funding again. He must be stupid if he thinks he can get money without explaining how it will be used. Sephiroth wonders, not for the first time, why Palmer is in charge of _anything_ , let alone the Space Program.

The meeting is over. None of them go to lunch together.

* * *

Zack sits alone in the cafeteria, reading today's paper. He skips the political editorials and flips straight to the sports news. Aww, none of his favorite teams made the playoffs. The chocobo racetracks at the Gold Saucer have been completed and should open in a few months. That should be fun! There's a heartwarming story about how athletes are giving back to the community. He's looking at the ridiculous classified ads when he notices someone walking with purpose towards his table.

A young woman with blond hair wearing a dark blue suit directs her question to him. "Excuse me, are you Lieutenant-General Fair?"

"That's me. Call me Zack. What can I do for you?"

"I have information you might find useful. May I join you?"

Zack nods. She sits down across from him.

"I thought you might be concerned for your friend, Reno. I want to tell you that he's okay. Tseng says he'll be away on a mission for awhile."

"Well, that's good to know. Thanks." Before she moves to leave, Zack continues, "Hey, I haven't seen you around before. What's your name?"

"I'm Elena of the Turks. I got promoted after Reno left." She looks a little nervous, like maybe she shouldn't have said that last bit.

But Zack isn't offended. "Congrats! You probably already know this, since you're in the Turks now, but they're opening the new chocobo racetracks soon. Isn't that cool? I might try out to be a jockey."

Surprised at his enthusiasm, Elena says, "Yeah, actually, that is pretty cool. I might do that, too."

"Yes! I bet I could talk a few more SOLDIERS and Turks into it and we could all go. It'll be good practice. After all, we could be assigned to the same mission one day."

"I think I'd like that. I have to get back to work now. See you around, Zack."

"Same, nice to meet you, Elena."

Zack leaves the paper open on the table and heads back to his quarters to pack for his next mission. He's taking some experienced troops to the jungles of Mideel to level up and master Seal materia. Sephiroth has decreed that SOLDIERS require a non-lethal attack now that they fight mostly in urban environments rather than open battlefields. Because Sleepel spells can be used pacify civilians safely, Seal has been added to the regulation list of materia every SOLDIER carries. They need lots of it.

* * *

A few days later, the sun shines down brightly on the training field outside Midgar.

Sephiroth practices katas with Masamune near the barracks, where he is easily visible to the recruits. It's good for morale. He's attracted quite a large audience, although no one dares come close or make a sound. The perfectly controlled flow from one stance to another is calming.

Then, he hears someone approach from behind. He lifts the sword just so and sees the reflection on the mirrored edge of his blade. He flicks his wrist slightly so that the sunlight on the metal becomes blinding, and turns around to face the dazed messenger.

The SOLDIER salutes crisply and apologizes for the interruption as she hands him an envelope. To his trained eyes, small details indicate it's too highly classified to open here. He thanks her and places it carefully in an inside coat pocket, dismisses those who have gathered to watch, and strides elegantly back towards the city gates.

* * *

In his office, Sephiroth stares at the contents of the envelope in horrified disbelief. It's a postcard. The image is a highly retouched photo of a young couple walking on a beach. The border is a colorful disaster of tropical clip art.

 _Greetings from Mideel. Wish you were here._

The rest of the space on the back is completely filled with a repeating string of x's and o's.

He rolls his eyes. Pretty funny, Zack. Sephiroth considers tossing it in the shredder. Oh, but there's another thing in the envelope. A blank piece of paper is folded around a small photograph. In the picture, the cutest, tiniest, white chocobo he's ever seen is having a staring contest with a surprisingly familiar dragon paperweight. The same little dragon paperweight that is not on his desk where it belongs. The one that he hasn't seen for days, not since... the zip tie incident. Well played, Zack, well played.

He shreds the postcard but keeps the picture of the dragon.


	4. Chapter 4

**God of Paperwork**

by the infamous and notorious tocasia

* * *

 **Chapter 4**

Sephiroth sits in his office and sifts through his inbox. He's not ready to replace the missing dragon paperweight yet. It was his favorite.

The first report informs him of a fight in the barracks. Those who started it have already been dealt with. No need for him to get involved.

This is Reeve's request for SOLDIER assistance on environmentally friendly public works projects. He agrees to it. He admires Reeve's dedication.

Scarlet has sent him another invitation to one of the risqué parties she hosts on a regular basis. No, he's not going to attend this one. They aren't exactly friends, but he hopes she has a good time.

Here's the request from the Science Department that he's been expecting. The enemy skill mission will be dangerous. Sephiroth looks over the tentative list of target monsters. Very dangerous. He approves the mission and takes it for himself.

Ah, and he writes one for Zack, too.

He moves on to looking at emails.

* * *

Zack stands in the shadow of the rusty, leaning rocket. He has just completed his mission here: to announce the restarting of the Space Program. People are cheering and dancing in the streets. Local delicacies are brought out and shared. Some of that tea is really good. The ace pilot, Cid Highwind, offers to take him for a ride on his biplane. Zack is about to accept when his PHS rings. Cid swears at him in a friendly way to answer it. The crowd outside is so loud that he has to step behind a house and cover his other ear to hear who is calling.

"Oh hey Seph, what's up?"

"Your hometown is Gongaga, correct?"

"Yeah, why?"

"I've heard the jungles there are full of frogs."

"That's true, and it's hilarious, they're called..."

"Doesn't matter. I'm more interested in a skill they can use."

"Frog Song?"

"Ah, so you do already have it. Excellent. Bring it to me in my office when you return."

Click. The call ends.

Okay, stranger things have happened. Zack has a wonderful time on the Tiny Bronco. Cid even offers to teach him to fly it someday.

* * *

It's been a productive day. The Enemy Skill materia that was empty this morning now contains two new skills: Beta and White Wind. The fights were somewhat interesting but not difficult. He'll send SOLDIER Thirds to get those next time.

Sephiroth spends the night at Fort Condor on a soft bed in a private guest room. Fort Condor is well known for its anti-Shinra sentiment; if anyone other than the leaders of the resistance knew he was here, things would get messy. But Sephiroth donates gil to their mercenary fund and sends only inexperienced troops to fight them, ensuring that both sides suffer only minor injuries in the battles. The only casualty is their pride. He knows this arrangement won't last forever, but they let him stay as long as he doesn't come too often.

Sephiroth always comes in late and leaves early, unseen, so that the honest defenders of the Fort don't get in trouble for harboring a Shinra employee.

He's told the board, not untruthfully, that he keeps Fort Condor standing as a vital training exercise for the regulars. When they worry about a festering nest of rebellion, he reminds them that it's better to know where your enemies are. The reactor on top is still functional; it would be a waste to destroy it. The mercenaries are of no concern, since Shinra could pay them so much more to switch sides if needed.

On the way back to Midgar, he decides he'll support any of Reeve's proposals that involve building a new route to Junon that doesn't go through the swamp.

When he arrives, Sephiroth greets the scientists and returns the Enemy Skill materia to its secure place in the lab.

* * *

Zack meets Elena for a late lunch in the fancy upper level cafeteria. He's trying a different dish this time. It's okay.

She sits down with her usual. "Hey Zack, how'd your mission go?"

"It was awesome! I went to Rocket Town and..."

Her eyes light up when he tells her the rest.

"Wow, you're really into this space stuff! I'd like to tell you more but the General wants me in his office right after this. Guess I can't catch a break."

"Hmm, he sent for me, too. Looks like I'm coming with you."

* * *

It's almost time.

He's not worried about his plans being overheard. Shinra stopped bugging his office years ago when it became obvious that replacing the devices he destroyed was a complete waste of money.

There's a classified envelope in his inbox. Is it important? If it is, it should have been delivered to him directly instead of left here. Sephiroth opens it.

Well done, Zack. Inside is a photograph taken in Rocket Town in the late afternoon light. A clever trick of perspective makes it seem like his little dragon paperweight is almost as big as the leaning Shinra 26. The dragon looks like it's trying to hold up the rocket, straightening it toward the sky.

* * *

Zack and Elena arrive outside his office. Sephiroth bids them enter.

"Welcome. The mission I am about to explain will be dangerous. It requires the utmost secrecy. If, after hearing the briefing, you choose not to accept the mission, you will not remember any of this."

Zack catches on quickly. "Does this have anything to do with that phone call yesterday?"

"Very good. Did you bring what I requested? Give it to me."

Zack places his childhood Enemy Skill materia carefully on Sephiroth's desk.

"Thank you. I assure you, no harm will come to it and I will return it to you when we are finished. Now, Elena."

"Yes, sir?"

"This is an Enemy Skill materia, which I am issuing to you temporarily. Your mission is to break into Hojo's lab tonight. You will wait above the ceiling tiles _here,_ " he points to the map on his desk, "until 0820 tomorrow morning. At 0830, Hojo's lecture will begin. The grad students will be presenting their pet projects."

"That's a long wait." Elena pockets the yellow orb as instructed.

Zack groans. "Pet projects? Not your best pun."

Sephiroth continues. "The creatures will likely require live prey as an incentive to demonstrate their tricks, so there will be plenty of goldfish and feeder mice nearby. Several lab technicians will be on hand to assist with that. Some students may come in late. When as many targets as possible have gathered, Elena will cast Frog Song."

Elena starts laughing. Zack grins.

"I know Elena will be able to get out of there safely. However, I will be watching through the security cameras. If something goes wrong, I will set Hojo's desk lamp on fire. The sprinklers will go off, creating a distraction. He already uses a bulb that burns too hot, and no one will question my presence in the lab."

"So what will I be doing?" asks Zack.

"You will be far away from the action so that you have a solid alibi."

Zack looks dejected.

"You brought it upon yourself, Zack." Sephiroth sighs, but then turns serious again. "Now that I have explained the mission, do you accept?"

The SOLDIER and Turk salutes are different. "Yes, sir!"

He nods. "Two days from now, we will meet back here at 1900 hours and watch the carnage. Oh, and perhaps none of us should be seen together more than necessary, starting now. Elena will leave first. Good luck, Elena."

"Thank you, sir."

After she leaves, Zack asks, "Why can't I come too? Is this about that one time when I put that Turtle's Paradise flyer..."

"Possibly."

* * *

The next afternoon there's a meeting in the board room. It's nothing special.

Hojo is more than distressed, he is furious.

Scarlet laughs at him. The rumors of the frog incident have spread like wildfire.

Reeve has the day off.

Heidegger is absent. Rufus looks smug.

Palmer remains blissfully ignorant of his impending fate.

Tseng has nothing new to report.

President Shinra tells them to stop goofing off and get back to work.

* * *

Hojo follows Sephiroth out afterward. He's suspicious. Good.

"What do you know about these rumors?" Hojo gestures wildly.

"I know your entire lab got turned into frogs."

"Do you know who did it?"

"No." Sephiroth has years of practice lying to Hojo. "Investigations are ongoing."

"The things I'll do to them when I find out... They'll regret this!"

"I'm sure. Good day, Professor."

They're standing in front of the elevator. Hojo steps in, glares at Sephiroth, pushes the 'door close' button, and rides down to the lab.

* * *

Hojo finds a father's day card on his desk, even though today's date is nowhere close to the holiday.

 _To my father, from your loving son._

Where he expects a signature, there is a cute frog sticker taunting him instead.

Hojo rages. He can't tell anyone about this! It's not enough proof for an accusation! More importantly, when did Sephiroth find out? The prank was well executed, the perpetrators will never be caught. Just as he'd expect from his perfect son. He smiles. He'd be laughing too if it hadn't happened to him. Hojo can't stay angry as he continues the monumental task of reorganizing the lab.

* * *

Elena and Zack meet Sephiroth in his office at the appointed time. Officially, they're supposed to be investigating the incident.

Sephiroth shows them the footage of the successful mission. The glorious notes of Frog Song drift down from the ceiling, filling the lab. Every living thing present turns into a frog. All the students, their pet monsters, Hojo, all the food animals, a few unfortunate lab techs, and one unlucky secretary are caught in the effect. When the emergency response team arrives, no one can tell the frogs apart or who or what they had been before. It is complete chaos.

It's pretty intense. Zack and Elena consider not helping Sephiroth with another prank, ever.


	5. Chapter 5

**God of Paperwork**

by the infamous and notorious tocasia

* * *

 **Chapter 5**

Elena is investigating a serious matter.

Zack wasn't there when it happened. So far, that's all she knows. Elena stands outside what used to be Zack's office. Now it's just a burnt-out shell of its former glory. There's even a hole in the wall. Half of a cheerful motivational poster flutters forlornly at her passing.

There's no evidence of a break-in. The keycard door is working fine. The only footprints are her own.

Not much survived the fire. Her footsteps stir up the fine ash of once-important documents as she moves towards the desk. It's definitely seen better days. She's about to inspect what's left of its contents when a voice calls out, "Delivery for Lieutenant-General Fair!" Surprised, she tells them to leave it at the door.

It's the brand new desk Zack ordered the other day. Elena ignores it.

She moves on to the next phase of the investigation.

* * *

Sephiroth comes back to his office from a meeting. Hojo's idea for releasing a swarm of chocolate-flavored fish into the waters off of Junon has a certain appeal. Hmm. Something has blown a hole in the wall. The edges are still smoking. He can see clear through to the smoldering remains of Zack's office.

Zack isn't in there. Instead, he's sitting at Sephiroth's desk. He looks very angry.

"Some of that stuff was important, dammit. You've taken this too far!"

"What are you talking about?"

"You know perfectly well what I'm talking about! You always do! And I know you know how infuriating that is. I can't believe you did this!" Zack is actually yelling at him.

"Did what?"

"You bastard, you burned down my office!"

"I did no such thing."

"Why should I believe you?"

"Have I ever lied to you, Zack?"

"Yes, you have!"

"I did not burn down your office."

"Sure, maybe not personally. Your hands are always clean even when you're guilty."

"Good point," Sephiroth says,"but I had nothing to do with this. What will it take to prove it?"

Clearly, Zack has thought of something. "My own apartment is being investigated as a crime scene. I kid you not. They're looking for evidence that I did it myself."

Sephiroth can't help it. "Did you?"

"Dammit! No! Let me stay at your place tonight. If, as you claim, you didn't burn down my office, you should trust me enough for that."

What? Sephiroth blinks a few times at Zack's logic.

"Fine."

* * *

Elena investigates Zack's apartment. It wouldn't be nice to call it a mess, but it's definitely lived-in. His kitchen counter is clean though, and the trash has been taken out recently. Under the counter, she finds an electric mixer, some pans for baking, and a few cookie sheets. There's a crochet dishtowel. No coffee machine, but plenty of mugs in the cupboard. All of them are different. They must have been gifts.

That's a pretty nice tv in the living room. There's a futon in front of it, and a table covered with magazines that Zack probably wouldn't scold anyone for resting their feet on.

Some unscented soap and lots of hairspray in the bathroom. That's flammable, but Elena is pretty sure Zack uses it on his hair, not to blow things up.

Zack's bed is neatly made. Must be that army discipline.

On the bedside table, she finds a photo in a heart-shaped frame. The picture shows Zack and another SOLDIER, Elena doesn't know her, standing in their victory poses on a dirt road. Lush vegetation grows on either side, but none behind, the jungle suddenly giving way to wasteland. The rest of their squad is in the background working hard. Construction vehicles haul huge, twisted sheets of metal away from the ruined Gongaga reactor.

There's no evidence that Zack planned to commit arson. Elena hadn't really expected to find any. So who set fire to Zack's office?

* * *

A metallic clang echoes through the training room as the newly-promoted SOLDIER Second blocks his strike with her staff. Zack steps back as she shoves his sword away with a twist. They circle each other for a while, and then he rushes her again. She won't be able to withstand this one, it's too strong. But his Buster Sword slices only air, and she delivers a light, taunting blow to his lower back as he continues forward, staggering. How could she dodge that? Zack regains his balance before she can land another hit, but he's lost the initiative.

Now it's her turn. She comes at him with the staff whirling, fire trailing from its ends. He's ready and raises his sword to deflect the first attack. He blocks the follow up, too. The metal of the Buster Sword glows red hot where the weapons touch. She looks into his eyes and smiles. He returns the grin and pushes her back; he does have the advantage of physical strength.

She jumps farther away from him. She's probably trying to get some distance because her staff has greater reach than his sword. He prepares for another charge, deciding on a sweeping uppercut this time to surprise her. As he commits to the attack, he sees her swing the staff in a wide arc. He has less than a second to realize she's casting before ice explodes all around him, knocking him to the ground.

Her staff is at his throat. He remains still.

"I yield. Good fight."

Aeris helps Zack up. "Your form seems off today, are you okay?"

He's hesitating. Something is definitely wrong.

"Yes... maybe... no. I'm so mad!"

Aeris has known Zack for a while and he rarely gets angry. "Wanna talk about it?"

"Yeah, but we can't talk here."

"Hmm, I know a quiet place where no one will bother us. Come with me, I'll show you. I meant to show you anyway."

* * *

Aeris leads Zack through the Sector 5 slums to a place he's never been before. They stop outside an old, ruined church, a relic of a religion he doesn't recognize. Nothing bars their way as they enter. Dust motes dance in the shafts of light filtering down from holes in the roof. Aeris and Zack sit down next to the flowers. Flowers in Midgar. This is probably the only place in the city that smells nice. It's a special place. They are alone here.

Aeris speaks first, in a whisper. "So, what happened Zack?"

"My office burned down today. Or someone burned it down."

"That's awful! Who would do that?"

"No idea. I try not to make enemies. Seph said he didn't do it, but you never can tell with him."

"The General? I thought you guys were friends."

"I thought we were, too." Zack says, sounding betrayed. "After all we've been through together..."

"I don't want to believe it, either. Imagine, the Great General Sephiroth burning down offices! Nevermind, don't imagine that. Who'd be next?"

"Probably Palmer, Heidegger, or Rufus. Or anyone at all. Probably not Hojo though, we already got him good."

"What?"

"Well, me and Seph have had a prank war going on for awhile. Just little things, nothing too dangerous. It's just a game, but maybe I never should have started it. Seph takes everything seriously and it's pretty scary how much he can get away with. Don't tell anyone I said so, but he's totally nuts."

"Of course I won't! So you think the General burned down your office as a _joke_?"

"I wouldn't put it past him."

"The Turks are investigating, right? Maybe he really didn't do it."

"That's what I'm hoping. He's the reason I joined SOLDIER after all." Zack laughs bitterly, but some of the anger has gone. "Hey, you never told me why you joined up."

"Hmm. I told you I grew up in the slums, right? Well, I saw a lot of ...things when I was younger. I wanted to protect people but I couldn't because I wasn't strong enough."

"I can't imagine you not being strong."

Aeris smiles at that. "The other kids avoided me. They were afraid, maybe because I knew a lot more than they did. But I think it was my eyes."

"But you have beautiful eyes."

"Zack, you're so sweet. The Turks came to my neighborhood recruiting for SOLDIER. A man was with them, I think he was Third Class. He was so strong, he looked like he could protect the world. And his eyes were like mine. So I joined."

"You're telling me you've had Mako eyes all your life?"

"Something like that. Does it bother you?"

"No. You have beautiful eyes."

"Thanks. So, what did you do to Hojo?"

"I'll tell you, but you have to promise to keep it a secret."

Aeris promises and takes Zack out for ice cream.

* * *

It's almost midnight. Sephiroth is in his office. Paperwork is eternal. Good thing he has his trusty shredder for company.

Zack barges in. He's obviously still upset.

"General Sephiroth, sir!" Zack almost snarls. "It's time to call it a night. You agreed that I could stay at your place, remember? I don't have your new keycard. Let me in so I can get some sleep, at least!"

"You're sure you don't want to break in through the balcony, Lieutenant-General Fair?"

Zack gives him a blank look.

"It's nothing. You know, your plan doesn't make sense. If you really think I burned down your office, it's not exactly smart to..."

"Shut up. Let's go."

Sephiroth locks the office and walks back to his apartment quickly. Zack has no problem keeping up.

* * *

Sephiroth tells him he can sleep on the couch. It's a black leather couch. Probably the best damn black leather couch on the Planet. Zack grabs another blanket from the linen closet. The blanket is also black. Zack tries to get comfortable. It's too damn cold in here.

He's still mad, but he knows he won't do anything. The first rule of engagement was established early in the prank war: apartments and private quarters are off-limits. That was after Zack hid a blue dye pellet in Sephiroth's shower head. It was only food coloring. Of course, the General wasn't blue the next day. It was unfair.

Sephiroth didn't do anything to Zack's apartment. They'd just made the rule and left it at that.

Zack has kept his eyes shut for a long time but sleep isn't cooperating.

There's light coming from an open door down the hall. He doesn't hear anything. Maybe Sephiroth left the light on in the bathroom? Ha! Zack wouldn't think of that, normally. It really had been a hard day.

Zack gets up to check it out.

Zack can hardly believe what he sees. Sephiroth is practicing intimidating looks in front of the bathroom mirror. Narrowed eyes, arched brows, smirks, the tiniest of terrifying smiles.

"You practice that? I thought you were a natural."

Sephiroth can see Zack's reflection and doesn't turn around. "Even with natural talent, everyone needs to work at something to be good at it."

"Ooh, I'm surprised the mirror didn't shatter at that one."

"Good night, Zack."

* * *

On the second pass, Elena finds something important back in Zack's office. The desk is partially unburnt on the far side. The bottom drawer is only moderately charred. Elena opens it. Inside is a glowing ember surrounded by a circle of unscorched wood. No, not an ember...

So, it was an accident, then. That's a relief. Or at worst negligence, since summon materia are dangerous and Zack probably shouldn't have kept that there.

She snaps a photo and collects the Phoenix materia and reports to Tseng.

Zack will get his apartment back tomorrow, and they'll repair the office soon.

* * *

A few days later, Sephiroth is helping Zack get his office back in order. He hangs up the new motivational poster. There's a photograph of someone snowboarding. Written underneath are the words:

 _Follow Your Dreams_

Sephiroth says, "So it was an accident with the Phoenix materia?"

"Seems so," Zack replies. "Are you sure you had nothing to do with it?"

"I'm sure."

"I'm sorry I accused you of burning down my office, Seph."

"I accept your apology. While we're talking about this truthfully, you should also know I wasn't the one who summoned Leviathan to turn the parking lot into a beach. It was Tseng."

"You should practice your innocent look in the mirror next time."

"Okay, fine. It was Rufus."


	6. Chapter 6

**God of Paperwork**

by the infamous and notorious tocasia

* * *

 **Chapter 6**

Zack is sitting in Sephiroth's office, playing Gold Saucer music from his phone. The song is very annoying. Is it supposed to be another prank? Sephiroth tries to ignore it because Zack is telling him something. Zack is a valuable source of information since he's everybody's friend. Sephiroth listens to Zack's story, as usual.

Apparently, Zack had gone on a date to the Gold Saucer with his new girlfriend. He'd tried hard to impress her by winning a bunch of plushies at the Wonder Square, but she'd won just as many for him. They went on the shooting coaster at the Speed Square and were evenly matched there as well, taking turns stealing the high score. Zack had wanted to show her the chocobos, but the racetracks were still under renovation.

"And then it turns out we were the hundredth couple, so Aeris and I got the lead roles in the play!"

Aeris. The name is familiar. "Would that be SOLDIER Second Class Gainsborough?"

"Yes, she's amazing! She can really fight! The Evil Dragon King didn't stand a chance!"

Sephiroth raises an eyebrow. "You said she grows flowers in the slums?"

"Yeah! I've seen them. They're beautiful. Some kind of lilies, I think."

"Do you think she'll mind if I tell Reeve about that?"

"No, probably not. She doesn't really keep it a secret. Sometimes she sells them to people for only a gil each. It makes them happy."

Sephiroth nods and hands Zack a stack of SOLDIER application forms, a signal for him to get back to work. He watches as Zack leaves his office. That was a cute story.

She must have a good heart. Definitely a person who should be assigned to one of Reeve's projects.

* * *

It's a secret, but Sephiroth chooses randomly which training sessions he will personally oversee so that he always gets an accurate picture of the condition of the troops. No one can hide anything from him. They never forget who is in command. It's good for morale.

He decides he would not have taken this one normally. Today, he stands on a cliff in Wutai, with twenty ambitious Second Class SOLDIERS. They're here so that the engineers can repair a bridge. They will camp here for a week, until the next unit arrives to replace them. It's time to explain what they will be doing until then.

Sephiroth begins. "You've worked hard to get to this point. You've already demonstrated competence with your weapons and materia and done well in your leadership classes." He gestures to the barren wasteland all around them. "The monsters here are very strong. Your mission is to reduce their numbers so that this restoration work can be completed safely."

"Yes, sir!"

"I wasn't finished. Give me your materia."

They're confused. The one called Hodges speaks up, "But sir! Why must we fight such strong monsters without it?"

Despite the lapse in discipline, Sephiroth is inwardly pleased that someone asked. He doesn't show it. "Are you questioning my orders, SOLDIER?" He makes his eyes dangerous.

"No, sir."

"In battle, you cannot always rely on magic alone. Your reserves of magical energy are not infinite. Your enemies know what an effective weapon materia is, and they will seek to deprive you of it. In those cases, and any number of other scenarios, you must be able to operate effectively without it."

Sephiroth looks over the line, which is straighter than it was a moment ago. They seem to understand.

" _If_ you make First Class, you will lead missions of your own. Prove to me that you are worthy of the rank. This exercise will serve as a review of the various offensive and curative items you will need to distribute to those under your care. Now, give me your materia. I will not ask again."

They remove the materia from their bangles and weapons and lay it at his feet.

"Your mission starts now. If any of you should perish, I will perform the proper rites and make sure your family is informed of your bravery. Good luck to you all. Dismissed."

The Second Class SOLDIERS hurry down the mountain trail, suddenly eager to begin hunting monsters.

* * *

Zack stands outside Palmer's office. Palmer's not in right now. Normally, the light above the keycard door is red when it's locked and blue when it's unlocked. Zack has an idea to make Palmer's day more interesting.

* * *

All twenty of the Seconds make it back to camp alive. They've pitched their tents atop the cliff, close to the edge. It's a more defensible position than out in the open below, and they can stay near the bridge to protect the work that's been completed so far.

Sephiroth is lying on his bedroll in his own tent, still wearing his armor, listening to the other SOLDIERS settle in for the night. He overhears them talking in their tents. He recognizes each of their voices.

"Man, that was a rough day." That was Erickson.

"Yeah, I'm sore all over. Potions are nothing compared to Cure spells." Maxwell.

Sephiroth is happy to hear that. They're learning.

"It was good practice though." Erickson again.

"Some of those monsters were really tough. And they came in such large groups, too."

"You really appreciate the value of All materia in situations like this." Maxwell again. He's smart.

"Do you think we did alright proving our strength?" said Hodges.

"I'm going to do better tomorrow."

"Yeah, we can't be weak if we want to make First Class."

Sephiroth smiles. The mission is having its desired effect.

"Didn't this used to be jungle? All the histories mention that. And now, seeing it first hand, there's just this wasteland left."

The smile turns into a frown. He'd wanted to end the war quickly. Dragging it out would only have resulted in more useless deaths. Sephiroth was responsible for the welfare of his army, which meant not wasting their lives on such a scale. He'd decided on a scorched earth approach so that Wutai would see immediately that they could not win.

"I wonder if we could ask the General for some war stories."

Well, there used to be more people. And more trees. The monsters were weaker when there were still people to hunt them. He scowls. No time for stories.

He's a little shocked when Andrews says, "Those Wutes deserved what they got, the fuckers. Nothing but a bunch of rabid dogs that had to be put down."

That was _enough_. It wasn't the first time Andrews had said something like that.

They had been honorable opponents, deserving of respect even in defeat. Sephiroth was glad when Wutai surrendered before he had to burn their capital.

Shinra's propaganda machine had done its job too well. People expect the common soldiers to be a little rough around the edges, but such conduct is unbecoming of an officer. Unacceptable. He will not allow it to spread and erode the order he's established since the war. He will have to make an example of Andrews, and soon.

Sephiroth is responsible for the welfare of the army, as a whole. Not the safety of individuals. Especially not that of bigoted fools.

* * *

He acts quickly, decisively. Sephiroth sets the SOLDIER Seconds' tent on fire. There is some swearing as Andrews and the others exit swiftly. Their comrades from elsewhere in the camp awaken, assess the situation impressively fast, and put out the blaze before it does too much damage.

Sephiroth turns to look at the Seconds who have gathered at the commotion. He calls them to attention. From the startled crowd, he singles out the owner of the voice that so offended him. Before Andrews can react, Sephiroth is dangling him over the edge of the cliff by his neck.

"You will _never_ make First Class." He sneers at the terrified SOLDIER and throws him to the ground in front of the others, instead of off the cliff.

"The rest of you, listen closely. I will not tolerate hate speech in the upper ranks. You will treat your fallen foes with honor. If you underestimate your enemy, if you do not respect them, you deserve to be defeated. Do you understand?"

Almost a whisper. "Yes, sir."

"Are you afraid of me?"

Even quieter than before. "Yes, sir."

"You do not need to be. I am not your enemy."

"Yes, sir!"

"See that it stays that way."

That should start some rumors. Sephiroth stalks back to his tent and has pleasant dreams.

* * *

The last line of tech support has arrived: Elena stands outside Palmer's office. The light above the door is red. Palmer is locked out and close to panicking. Elena gets him to calm down enough to lend her his keycard. She swipes it deftly on the keypad. Nope, the light is still red. Well, sometimes these things can be finicky. She tries again. No luck. Maybe the keypad isn't working? She swipes her own card, twice. Nothing. If the keypad is, in fact, broken, she'll have to smash it to open the door. Is that really necessary? She takes another look at the situation.

Maybe the light itself is defective and the door is unlocked after all. Elena reaches out slowly, expecting resistance from the forcefield that should cover the door. There's nothing there. She waves her arm around in the open doorway while Palmer watches. He looks at her incredulously and sputters an apology before walking into the office.

That was bizarre. Elena wonders what happened. She looks at the light again as she turns to leave. Red cellophane is wrapped around the bulb. It was done carefully enough that she hadn't noticed before. Did Sephiroth do this? No, he's not in the Shinra building today. Zack then. Elena suppresses a smile as she goes to report to Tseng.

* * *

This is day five of the mission in Wutai. There have been no further incidents.

He stays on top of the cliff with the workers. They have made good progress fixing the bridge. From up here, Sephiroth can see the SOLDIERS coming and going. Watching them and listening to their reports are the only things he's done; none of the monsters have dared to challenge him. He's glad that it's almost time to return to Midgar.

This is a disappointing batch of Seconds. Only a few of them are worthy of promotion. On some days, Sephiroth thinks there are too many people on the Planet. Remedying that is one of the things war is good for. Today is threatening to be one of those days.

Well, maybe not everyone is so bad. One of the engineers hands him a letter, courteously. It bears the familiar hints of a classified document. He can't open it here so he takes it back to his tent.

Hmm. A pattern is developing. There is a photograph in the envelope. He recognizes the Battle Square at the Gold Saucer. Piled high on the floor is an impressive heap of battle points. His little dragon paperweight is sitting on top, guarding its hoard. Zack stands behind, with a ridiculous grin on his face, making a victory sign.

It cheers him up. Thank you, Zack.


	7. Chapter 7

**God of Paperwork**

by the infamous and notorious tocasia

* * *

 **Chapter 7**

Palmer sips his coffee with distaste. He much prefers tea. He'd come in to work early today to avoid this, but they were all out of lard. The pleather of his office chair is peeling. Palmer leans back with a sigh and swears as his knee connects with the underside of the desk.

Not much to do today. No one pays much attention to him anymore. He doesn't mind. His inbox is almost empty despite the towers of paper surrounding it. Palmer keeps a messy desk on purpose because his accounting is messy, too. Let's see, he can skim off a little here, and here, and here... He piles the fraudulent budget reports in his outbox, not noticing the official-looking envelope already resting beneath.

* * *

Sephiroth is sitting alone at a corner table in the fancy upper level cafeteria. He doesn't come here often and hasn't decided what to order yet. He glances up as two secretaries come in, talking. They haven't seen him, so he listens.

"Did you get the memo from Arlene?"

"The invitation to the company barbeque?"

"Yeah, that one."

"I hope someone doesn't summon Phoenix this time. That was a nightmare! The damn bird resurrected all the cows out of spite."

"Thanks for the reminder, I guess." She makes a face. Then she says, "I heard something good from Susanna."

"Oh?"

"Buy me a coffee and I'll tell you."

They go up to the counter. Sephiroth stays where he is. He doesn't want to startle them before learning the rest of the story.

"So you know that party last night, the one that started at Scarlet's?"

"Susanna goes to those?"

"Well, she goes to where the party ended up."

"Ha! Go on."

They walk back to a table, sit down, and lean closer to each other, whispering. Sephiroth can hear them anyway.

"So, this is what she told me. Susanna and Alex, that's the guy she's dating, were chilling to the music. Scarlet and her friends were in the back room doing who knows what. Alex challenged Heidegger to a drinking contest."

"Heidegger goes to Scarlet's parties?"

"I was surprised, too. Anyway, Heidegger got roaring drunk and Alex left out the back, smart man. Scarlet walked up to the bar for a refill, still looking pretty sober."

"And then what happened?"

"Heidegger grabbed Scarlet around the waist and gave her a passionate kiss!"

"No way! Did she slap him?"

"No, that's the weird thing."

"Did she crush his foot with those deadly red stiletto heels of hers?"

"No, although I think I would have done that. She dragged him over to a table and they climbed up and started dancing. The DJ noticed and put on a slow, romantic song."

"They waltzed on a bar table?"

"That's what Susanna said."

"But they despise one another, don't they?"

"Yeah, they do."

"But they have a lot in common."

"True. They both like explosives."

"And their laughs are a match made in heaven!"

The two secretaries cackle madly on their way out. Sephiroth orders a slice of chocolate cake. The story is plausible. Some really crazy things happen at Scarlet's parties.

* * *

Zack stands knee deep in the freshly fallen snow near the Icicle area. More snow is coming down around him, but it's gentle. His coat keeps him warm and dry. He's had good luck with the weather on this mission.

Zack is here to oversee the construction of a new base for catching and training chocobos. The harsh arctic environment produces the most wonderful birds and they are in high demand. Even though Shinra has built plenty of roads, there are still remote parts of the Planet that can only be reached by chocobo. Chocobos make good combat mounts and can pull wagons, too. But to Zack, the best thing about them is definitely the racing.

So far, there's not much here except mud and snow. The transport vehicles form a perimeter around a few tents, a fire pit, the makeshift stables that are kept warmer than the camp, and the outlines in the dirt where permanent structures will be. A shipment of special building materials from Bone Village is scheduled to arrive tomorrow.

Zack sockets the Chocobo Lure materia into his bangle and prepares for another outing.

* * *

It wasn't because Palmer was committing fraud. That's almost a job requirement for working at Shinra. No, it was because secretly, Sephiroth has wanted to go in space since he was very small. The failure of Shinra 26 and its subsequent abandonment crushed his childhood dreams in a way nothing else ever had. He will make it right, and those responsible will not go unpunished.

He's already restarted the Space Program behind Palmer's back. This morning, he completed the next step of his plan.

Sephiroth has two signatures: the one he uses to sign autographs for his fans, and the official one which few people have seen. Palmer has only one signature.

It was easy to forge with Mime materia. By now, Palmer's letter of resignation should be on its way to the President's desk.

Sephiroth smiles as he works through his inbox. It's mostly junk.

The lab asks, no, _demands_ , that he acquire Frog Song immediately. Ha! They should learn to say please.

Here's another request from Reeve. No, he won't approve it this time. He's done enough on the rebuilding-the-world front lately.

The next one is probably fake. It declares itself to be an Important Meeting Notice in big red text. According to his schedule, Sephiroth will be in Junon that day, touring the underwater reactor and watching the unveiling of the new submarines. He won't be able to attend that meeting. Will that be a problem? Unlikely. If the meeting is really so important, he could always send Zack in his stead.

No, that would be too cruel.

* * *

Zack's mission has been a huge success. By the time the next group of SOLDIERS arrives, work has begun on the buildings and the outer wall. They've cleared space for a runway and assembled the new high-tech stables. A well-respected chocobo expert is coming next week to inspect the birds they've already caught. Zack brought back several wonderful chocobos himself, but some of the other guys got more.

Zack is free to go, so he heads to Icicle Inn to do something he's always wanted to do.

He stages the shot carefully. Icicle Inn is in the background, its festive lights reflecting in the windows. There are kids throwing snowballs at eachother. The little dragon paperweight balances confidently on the snowboard. It has a flame decal on it.

Click.

Zack stows the dragon and the new photo with the rest of his gear back at the inn. He carries the snowboard to the top of the slope, puts on his headphones, turns on the radical music, adjusts the straps, and kicks off down the mountain.


	8. Chapter 8

**God of Paperwork**

by the infamous and notorious tocasia

* * *

 **Chapter 8**

It's getting cold outside. People on the street wear coats and jackets in the morning as they commute. Restaurants start making a lot of money on hot chocolate. The air is crisp and stinks less than usual. In a month, there might be snow in Midgar.

Sephiroth is stuck inside doing paperwork. The inbox is full. If he decides to be responsible, he won't have time to enjoy the fall day before sunset. He sighs and gets to work, hoping to finish early.

It's another letter from the Science Department about enemy skills, complaining that Dragon Force doesn't do anything. Not his fault. Now they want to send him to the most remote place on the Planet to bring back Shadow Flare. He accepts the mission, scheduling it a few weeks from now. It's more like a vacation, really.

Oh, that's right! He's expecting something interesting to happen today. There will be other fall days.

* * *

The meeting could possibly be described as special.

President Shinra throws a piece of paper across the table. It slides all the way to the end.

"This is Palmer's letter of resignation."

The board is shocked. People don't resign from Shinra. Especially not those who know too much, like department heads.

"Palmer's whereabouts are currently unknown, although the Turks are investigating. He will not be allowed to leak company secrets."

So, Palmer has disappeared. Sephiroth doesn't care what happened to him. He doubts the rest of the board does, either. Sephiroth watches their reactions as they pass the letter around the table, reading it. He keeps his own expression carefully blank.

Rufus narrows his eyes.

Scarlet laughs.

Heidegger doesn't read it.

Reeve looks pensive.

Hojo seems overly pleased. Good. No one will suspect Sephiroth now. Except Tseng, of course.

Tseng has nothing new to report.

President Shinra tells them they have a week to decide the new head of the Space Program. They will vote on the nominees then.

* * *

Who will he nominate?

Sephiroth talks to Zack first. Does Zack know anyone competent who would be interested?

Zack thinks for a moment. "Yep."

He knew Zack would come through for him. "Who do you recommend?"

"Elena."

"She is definitely competent, that's true. Why do you think she'd want the job?"

"Her eyes lit up when I told her what I did in Rocket Town. And there's this." Zack hands Sephiroth a classified envelope. He opens it carefully.

Just as he expected, there's a photograph inside. Sephiroth recognizes the red sandstone plateau of Cosmo Canyon. On an evening full of stars, Elena and Zack and the little dragon paperweight are seated around the Cosmo Candle listening to an old man (floating on a ball?) talk about something. Zack is smiling, but Elena looks absolutely enthralled.

Sephiroth admits that's pretty good evidence by itself. But there's another piece of paper folded neatly in the envelope. It's a course catalog for the Study of Planet Life.

Zack says, "I picked one up while I was there. Elena wanted me to show you. She's taking that course long-distance. She's really excited about finding new planets."

New planets. Intriguing. Sephiroth smiles just thinking about it.

"A good choice. I think I'll ask her. Thanks for your help."

"No problem." Zack turns to go.

"Wait." Zack looks at him, expectantly. "You take good photographs, Zack."

"Thank you, sir!"

* * *

Elena walks confidently into Sephiroth's office. Hardly anybody else does that.

"You sent for me, sir?"

"I did. Take a seat."

She does.

"What we are about to discuss is top secret. You will not mention it to anyone."

"Is this about another prank?"

Sephiroth shakes his head. "Zack tells me you're taking a correspondence course on the Study of Planet Life."

"Yes, sir. I'm glad he showed you."

"You are aware that Palmer has resigned, and so the Space Program is currently without a director?"

She frowns. "Yes, I know."

"Hypothetically speaking, what would you do if you were in charge of it?"

She only hesitates for a moment. Elena has wonderful plans. She talks excitedly for half an hour straight, before Sephiroth interrupts her.

"It's clear you're passionate about this. You're also smart and capable, you get along well with the airship pilots, and you're not afraid of me, which means you'll have no trouble with the board. If I nominate you for the position, will you accept?"

"Hell yes!" she says.

* * *

During the week, Sephiroth works to convince the rest of the board that Palmer's incompetence was the problem, not the Space Program itself. He meets with each of them individually and points out benefits to their specific departments should they agree to fund it properly.

Hojo needs no convincing. He plans to nominate himself. When he's in charge, he can launch his precious specimens to the moon. Sephiroth lets him dream.

Over dinner, Tseng acknowledges the appeal of global orbital surveillance. He's watched Sephiroth's plan unfold and likes the direction it's headed. He proposes a toast to Elena and the future.

Sephiroth tells Reeve that the mission to outer space is a worthy endeavor and that any technology developed to solve the problems inherent in such a challenge could certainly be used to advance civilization. Reeve is happy to support this since Sephiroth has been approving his projects.

Currently, Sephiroth is on the phone with Scarlet, trying to get her interested in space lasers. It turns out not to be difficult. He holds the phone away from his ear as her "Kya hahaha!" echoes loudly through the handset.

By the end of the week, they all see reasons to fund the revitalized Space Program.

* * *

Zack comes into Sephiroth's office to borrow some tape, a pen, and exactly 23 paperclips. Sephiroth doesn't know why. He expects he will find out later.

"Hey Seph, is that a new motivational poster?"

"Yes. Yours is effective, so I got one too."

Zack looks at it more closely. There's a picture of the night sky with a shooting star. The large text says:

 _WISHES_

And underneath:

 _When you wish upon a falling star, your dreams can come true. Unless it's really a meteorite hurtling to the earth which will destroy all life. Then you're pretty much hosed no matter what you wish for. Unless it's death by meteor._

That's definitely more of a demotivational poster, but Zack simply says, "It's nice. It suits you, somehow."

* * *

This is surely one of Reeve's missions. Aeris and her team ride past the trees and marvel at the beautiful fall foliage. They are headed to the beach in Junon. It's a gray day as they walk through the town.

People are apprehensive. Aeris tries to explain that they are a new division, sent here to help. A man calls out, "Oh, so _now_ Shinra wants to clean up its act? It's a bit too late for that, don't you think?"

There are jeers. Someone throws a stone. The troopers tense, ready for action. But Aeris raises a hand, a signal for them to stay where they are. She begins to speak to the townspeople, loud enough to get their attention.

"I don't blame you for your resentment. Shinra has done some terrible things in the past, and I understand if you don't want us here. We will harm no one and leave as soon as we're finished. We're here to do one small thing: clean up trash on the beach."

The crowd is surprised. A woman says, "I thought nobody cared about the pollution. That nobody cared about us."

Aeris turns to her and says solemnly, "I do. Others do too."

The crowd follows them down to the water, still suspicious.

The weather is perfect for their task. Cold days on the beach are nice. It's not too hot, and there's only a small breeze so the waves aren't too high. Aeris smiles when some of the townspeople volunteer to help. By the end of the day, they've filled the bags with trash and the beach definitely looks better than it did before.

The SOLDIERS leave Junon feeling like they've made good progress. Aeris holds tight to the shells that she's collected to give to Zack.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

I cannot take credit for Sephiroth's demotivational poster. It actually exists in real life. I first saw it at the appropriately named 'despair' (rest of link). What a wonderful coincidence.

And if their site isn't working, you can still see it if you google 'meteor demotivational poster.'


	9. Chapter 9

**God of Paperwork**

by the infamous and notorious tocasia

* * *

 **Chapter 9**

Three days ago, Sephiroth approved Reeve's Greener Midgar Plan. In the spring, an effort will be made to grow more trees in the city. Now, President Shinra wants a plant for his office. Sephiroth isn't sure if it's a sincere request or just to spite him, but he will achieve success regardless.

Zack has told him that SOLDIER Second Class Gainsborough knows a lot about plants. It's a hobby of hers. She knows which ones grow best in sun and which in shade, how big they get, how much water they need, what times of year they bloom, and hopefully which ones can survive indoors.

Sephiroth asked her to help with the mission, which is why Aeris is in his office showing him photos of plants. "Let's see, I have this one..."

"No, too spiky, too likely to be stolen by Rufus and used as a weapon."

"This one..."

"It looks like a Malboro." Sephiroth might try that some other time but not today.

"This one, but it needs a lot of water..."

"I don't think so." Shinra wouldn't remember to water it and if it died that would not count as success.

"How about this one? It's been carefully cultivated to not kill anyone. It blooms between December and January." She looks hopeful.

"So... never?" he asks.

She only laughs in response.

"That's perfect."

* * *

This is a very special meeting.

"It's a rare chance to right a great wrong. The dawn of a new era. As an interdisciplinary effort, it won't take money away from the President's precious Neo-Midgar plan. It will unify the populace and create jobs. The opportunities for discovery are as boundless as the space between the stars."

That's what Sephiroth would say if he was the one giving a speech about it. Alas, he is not.

"Who nominates who for head of the Space Program?" President Shinra says in a bored tone.

Rufus nominates Heidegger. Clearly, Rufus believes that the Space Program will continue to receive little funding.

Heidegger knows better than to trust Rufus. He does not accept, and does not put forth a candidate of his own.

Reeve nominates Aeris.

Hojo nominates himself. His eyes burn brightly with the power of science. The other board members are unnerved.

Scarlet is a million miles away in her own little world full of space lasers. She says nothing.

Sephiroth nominates Elena.

President Shinra asks if there are any other nominees. There are none.

They vote. Elena wins.

"Is there any other business?"

Tseng has nothing new to report.

"That concludes our meeting. See to it that Elena is informed of her new position and that all the paperwork is drawn up correctly."

* * *

Tseng, Zack, and Sephiroth congratulate Elena together. She looks happy, but also a little sad, until Tseng tells her, "You will always have a home here with the Turks. You can still request a mission whenever you like." Elena's smile grows radiant as he hands her the towering stack of essential forms to take to her new office.

* * *

Sephiroth has won. Now that Elena is in charge of the Space Program, he looks forward to what she'll do on her own. It will be glorious. He does not intend to manipulate her.

He snatches the next document off the top of his inbox, feeling triumphant.

This is a request for SOLDIERS to guard the reactors in Midgar. No. It's better and less intimidating if civilians do that. If Shinra wants to build more reactors, people shouldn't fear them.

Well, this is a surprise. Sephiroth's fan club has printed a calendar full of high definition photos of him. He doesn't recall granting them permission for use of the images, but as he flips through the pages, he forgives his fans. Damn, he sure does look good.

Zack is coming down the hall to his office! He hides the calendar in his desk and tries to look innocent, with moderate success.

Zack drops off some papers and leaves without suspecting a thing. Relieved, Sephiroth makes a list of what he will take to the Northern Cave to collect Shadow Flare.

* * *

A few days later, Elena meets Reno for breakfast in the fancy upper level cafeteria.

Elena describes her first meeting to him. "Scarlet talked a lot about space lasers. Heidegger wanted the Gelnika for a mission, but he was shot down. Did you know, Tseng never has anything to report at board meetings?"

Reno's not surprised. "Sounds like him. Do you want to hear what I've been up to?"

"Sure! I miss going on Turk missions already."

Reno starts telling his story. "Rufus sent me to keep Dark Nation company while he was away. Everything was going fine; Dark Nation is actually really friendly. We were just playing around, having fun, so I used one of Rufus's pillows as a frisbee. Dark Nation loved it! He tore it to shreds in seconds!"

"Ha! Then what happened?"

"Rufus was upset and demanded that I break into Heidegger's apartment and steal all his sugar as penance." Reno sees the face Elena is making. "Yeah, it seemed weird to me, too."

"You'd think he could just get another pillow. Wait, Heidegger's apartment?"

"Yeah, his apartment in the Shinra building."

"Huh. I didn't know he had one. He has a house on Fifth Street, doesn't he?"

"Maybe he does, but Rufus was very clear about the target location. The climb up the building was harder than usual because of the ice. Getting in through the balcony was easy, though. Did you know Heidegger has a bunch of books about photography on his kitchen table? I never would've expected that. I didn't stick around to see more; I got the sugar and got out. Rufus was pleased."

"Very professional. Someday you should give me some tips." Elena says, sincerely.

"No problem. Want to come to dinner with me and a couple friends? We're going for steak."

"Okay."

* * *

Zack was right, snowboarding from Icicle Inn is awesome. Sephiroth returns from his vacation, refreshed. While he's certainly done plenty of scheming, he hasn't pulled any pranks lately. He doesn't want his second-in-command to feel neglected. Hmm.

When he hears Zack coming towards his office, Sephiroth lies in wait beside the door, out of sight.

Zack enters. Not yet... Zack takes the first few steps inside. Not yet... Zack looks at the desk and sees that Sephiroth isn't there. Now! The room flickers black for a moment. Tendrils of orange-yellow energy crackle around the office. When the lights come back on, Sephiroth looks up at Zack, who is now standing on the ceiling looking surprised.

Sephiroth does not get the reaction he was expecting. Zack just grins and starts doing squats on the ceiling. 1, 2, 3... Sephiroth watches for a moment. 14, 15, 16, 17...

Sephiroth turns toward the door. "I'm going to lunch. Shall I bring you anything?" He walks out without waiting for an answer, leaving Zack upside down.

55, 56, 57...

The gravity spell wears off. Zack falls to the floor with a thump.

* * *

Sephiroth brings back a box of cookies to share. He hands some to Zack, who is sitting cheerfully on the mismatched office chair. Zack is a good sport. Sephiroth turns to go back to his desk.

Whoompf! The room goes dark again.

This time Sephiroth is on the ceiling.

"Hahahaha! Your hair! Sweet Shiva!"

Sephiroth is a good sport, too.


	10. Chapter 10

**God of Paperwork**

by the infamous and notorious tocasia

* * *

 **Chapter 10**

Today is New Year's Eve.

The cold air of the mountains of Nibel... it was perfect for stargazing. Elena has just secured the funding to build an observatory there.

She loves her new job.

* * *

Zack surprises Sephiroth with a gift in his office.

Sephiroth opens the colorfully wrapped, oddly shaped box only to find another colorfully wrapped box inside. He wonders if there will be boxes all the way down. Nope. The present is a photo album. Golden glitter goes everywhere as he lifts it out. It's already full of photos of their previous pranks.

"You took pictures of all that? This is dangerous. You could do a lot of damage with this."

"I wouldn't betray you, Seph. You're my friend. You have the only copy. The Turks don't even have this stuff."

"Thank you, Zack. I will keep it safe."

Upon further inspection, Sephiroth notices some empty spaces in the middle.

"What are these for?"

Zack grins wickedly. "Just a second, where did I put it? Ah, yes." He reaches into his bag.

Zack tosses the little dragon paperweight to Sephiroth and snaps a quick photo of his surprised look as he catches it.

Zack hands him the new photograph. "For the tourist dragon pictures."

* * *

Sephiroth agrees to put up with the awful music for this. It's been a good year and he's looking forward to the next. He and Zack ride the tram up to the Gold Saucer. Zack has convinced Aeris, Elena, Reno, Rude, and even Tseng to accompany them, because Zack is everybody's friend. They don't talk much yet, because the tram is too loud.

When they step off onto the landing, the person selling tickets recognizes Sephiroth and motions for their group to go on in, free of charge.

The person in a chocobo suit bouncing around outside seems to be having some difficulty and trips.

Elena stares for a moment. "Hey isn't that...?"

"Palmer." Tseng confirms.

"Should we do something?"

Tseng shakes his head slowly. "Look at him. His new job is the very definition of hell. He's already suffered enough."

Elena is surprised at Tseng's mercy. "Oh, I don't know. I think he deserves more for what he did to my department."

"Later. We're off duty."

Reno and Rude nod in agreement.

* * *

Multicolored lights sparkle everywhere as the ...music... blares loudly over the speakers, nearly drowning out the cheers of the crowd. Chocobo Square is excessively decorated, even more so than usual. The place is completely packed. People move out of the way for Sephiroth, but they don't pay much attention to the rest of his party.

The next race is about to start. This is Zack's debut. Who's the new guy? Nobody knows. The bookies give Zack and his wonderful chocobo medium-to-low odds of winning. Most people bet on Joe and his black chocobo Teioh, the current favorites.

Elena says, "Where are Reno and Rude? They're going to miss this."

"I think I saw them going on the gondola together. They have a lot to catch up on," Aeris replies.

Sephiroth bets heavily on Zack. Zack will be riding chocobo number four, which seems to be in good condition. Of course, Sephiroth's actions don't go unnoticed. People swarm around him excitedly. Who did the General bet on? Nobody knows. The betting gets intense. Sephiroth ignores them as he pockets his ticket.

It's time. Aeris, Elena, Sephiroth, and Tseng head to the stands to watch. The whistle sounds, and the race begins. A red chocobo is first out of the gate, followed by a hot-headed white. They struggle for dominance as the racetrack curves upwards in a spiral. Joe on Teioh is in third, and Zack is right behind him.

Aeris cheers wildly for Zack. He solidifies his place in fourth, his bird blocking the others as they try to pass him. The crowd ooohs and ahhhs at the special effects overlaid on the track. A giant clam opens to reveal a huge pearl when the chocobos run by a sunken ship. Teioh takes the lead. The red chocobo lags behind, exhausted.

Elena shouts her encouragement to Zack. She's standing very close to Tseng, who is watching intently.

Teioh is in first, the white chocobo is in second, and Zack is in third as the scenery shifts to resemble a bridge over a waterfall. The white chocobo's jockey pushes it hard, moving into first and jostling Teioh out of the way just long enough for Zack to catch up. But the white can't keep the pace for long before it has to fall back.

Sephiroth has no doubts. He's confident in Zack's ability to win.

They round the last corner, neck and neck, the finish line in sight. This last section of the track looks like it's floating in outer space, winding around planets and satellites. Most of the chocobos are confused by the virtual effect and slow down. Even Teioh slows slightly. Zack's bird is smarter than that. It puts on a burst of speed.

Zack's chocobo comes in first place, Teioh in second. Joe congratulates Zack on a victory well earned.

After the winners are crowned and the jockeys return to the stables to see to their birds, the bets are resolved and money changes hands accordingly. Sephiroth makes an obscene profit. When Zack comes back to the main desk, practically glowing, Aeris gives him a big hug. Elena gives him a high-five. Tseng starts clapping dramatically. Sephiroth hands Zack a large fistful of GP.

"Did you see that? I won my first big race! I was awesome!"

Sephiroth agrees with him. "You're the best chocobo jockey on the Planet."

"Thanks, Seph!"

Zack and Sephiroth go to Battle Square to set some new records.

* * *

Elena, Aeris, and Tseng head to Wonder Square to try out the new arcade games.

Aeris is excited. "There's this bike game with swords. Two people can play on a team. I'm gonna check it out!"

Elena says, "Sounds cool, I'll be on your team."

Tseng is quiet for a moment.

Elena asks him, "Sir, which one will you try?"

"The snowboarding one."

Luck is on their side. They don't have to wait in line to play the games they want.

* * *

Reno and Rude sit across from each other on the gondola. They watch the chocobos race by on the tracks below, but the Gold Saucer seems to be saving the fireworks for later.

Reno says, "It's been a long time."

"Yes, it has," says Rude.

"What have you been up to?"

Rude's expression is unreadable, as always. "I've been training the initiates. We have several good candidates for promotion to the Turks."

"Wait, don't they all use different weapons?"

"Yes, they do."

"And you know all those well enough to teach them?"

"Yes, I do."

Reno is impressed. "Awesome! So which is your best weapon?"

Rude adjusts his shades.

"Seriously? That is so cool!"

* * *

It's been a wonderful evening. Everyone has had a good time.

Aeris, Elena, Tseng, Reno, Rude, Zack, and Sephiroth all watch the fireworks together and raise a toast as the New Year's countdown begins.

"To adventures that turn out well!"

They drink to that and it becomes midnight **.**


End file.
